体育课要做蛙跳动作,老师问:“谁以前受过伤?可以不用做。” 小红说:“我脚断过。”
小强说:“我手腕断过。”
小明:“我脐带断过。”

马云: 去帮我买一个肯德基。
秘书: 好的, 收购完毕!
马云:我操!

我不相信过程比结果重要,因为只有结果不好的时候,我们才会这样说。

纽约川菜

Legend 72 留香72 – 纽约地道川菜。特供火锅($30/人)

在飞机上旁边坐了一个男的,穿印满了英文励志口号的白tee,搭配紧到堪比丝袜的黑色锥型牛仔裤,尖到可扎人的黑色尖头皮鞋,头发吹特高。我心想,这男的一定爱听汪峰。结果,一会儿这男的一转头,妈X,汪峰本人

一2B兄弟是刑警,我有一次在酒店找了个小姐,完事,发现钱不够。发短信给他求救,喊他送钱了!。。。。
结果尼玛,直接来把我拷走了,还说跟踪我好久了,出门还把我头上套个黑袋子,那小姐蹲墙角屁都不敢放,上警车就把我放了。说他也没钱,只能这样。。。。

排队技巧:选择男人较多的队伍,因为他们比较没有耐心,可能会中途退出排队……

单身狗晨勃——多此一举

一个人怕孤独,两个人怕怀孕

“如何优雅的形容早泄?”
“入口即化”

老婆不知为何突然生气骂我,我哄了半天,她才冷静下来问:“你现在知道你错在哪里了吗?”
我怒道:“你什么意思?难道我没有错就不能被你骂了?”

 

When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Miami Church, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about. I sat down and Sharpton came up to me – I don’t know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church. He laid his hands on my hand and said: “By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God, you will walk today.” I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands
on me again, and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me. After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold, my damn car had been stolen!